5 Recipes To Use Up All The Relish In Your Fridge

If you're anything like me, you live in a one-bedroom apartment with a mattress directly on the floor and your fridge is almost exclusively filled with relish and beer. Ever since my girlfriend left, I've been enjoying the simple life. This lifestyle has its merits; I can masturbate wherever I want and I don't get shit for using bar soap as body wash, shampoo, and hand soap. But there are major drawbacks that every single man can understand.

If you still actively play your COD on your Xbox 360 that has a broken disc drive that you have to pry open with a screwdriver, you likely have the same problem that I have: what the fuck are you going to do with all that relish in your fridge?

It's a common mistake. We've all gone to the grocery store and brought relish because we couldn't figure out what else to buy, only to come home and realize we already had 2 open jars in the fridge. But fear not, because I'm about to drop five recipes on you that show how versatile relish really is.

Hot Dogs

Hot dogs go with relish like peanut butter and white bread, or like jelly and white bread, or like ketchup and white bread, which are all examples of actual dinners I've had this week. Hotdogs are cheap and filling if you eat a lot of them. Relish is important though because they count as a vegetable (they are made with cucumbers after all), so you don't have to feel guilty about only eating hotdogs for the next week.

Relish salad

We mentioned it's a vegetable, right? I used to mention that to my girlfriend all the time, but she would say "I don't care, you aren't bringing "relish salad" to the church potlock." Well, she's not here now, and I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want. Sometimes I like to toss it with iceberg lettuce, which I recommend because it's the healthiest type of lettuce (you can tell by the crunch).

Relish Sandwich

Relish is technically a jam. You know what goes good with jam? Bread. You know what goes good with bread? Relish. Relish sandwiches a savory alternative to the same jelly sandwiches that have been a staple of your diet since the Obama administration. The sharp flavor of the relish contrasts well with the soft texture of the bread, creating a unique flavor profile that is very "bread-forward" with a pungent relish after taste. I really miss Samantha.

Relish Dip

Entertaining people? We all know that when your friends come over to show each other 2014-era SJW Gets Owned YouTube videos for 4 hours, you're never required to provide refreshments to your friends. After all, you're letting them use your space, and you already spent $20 on the HDMI cord. But wouldn't it be nice to be generous and provide something special for your 2 friends that you've known since high school? The next time Bobby gets too high and asks if you have snacks, you can bust out the hint of lime Tostitos tortilla chips and provide him with a mind-blowing dip to tie the dish together. Watch out Ramsey, there's a new chef in town!

Relish Straight Out of the Jar

Look it's not ideal, but it happens. A lot. Sometimes I don't have the energy to move after a long day of scrolling through TikTok while the Dilbert cartoon blares in the background. Grab a spoon or a fork and dig in. The taste can get pretty strong, so I'd definitely recommend a glass of lukewarm tap water to go with it. And a warning, deff try not to do this when you're high. It'll really wig you out.