Breaking
1/1/2023 by Brandon Puff
Looking Back: The Best And Worst Moments Of The Year That I Spent Drunk Driving
Life isn’t a journey, it’s a collection of journeys. Some are short, some are long, and some are over before they’re finished. The only thing that ma...
12/24/2022 by Brandon Puff
Want To Make Your Christmas A Little More Fun This Year? Try Leaving Some Cocaine Out For Tim Allen On Christmas Eve
Christmas time is almost here which means stuffed stockings and lit fireplaces. But what are we supposed to do if Christmas has become routine? Wha...
12/6/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Opinion: If AI Art Takes Off Then Who Will Buy My BDSM-Themed Ratatouille Drawings?
12/2/2022 by Caleb Townsend
“My Spotify Listening Habits Are None Of Your Business” Says Loser Who Has Awful Taste In Music
Area Man Roger Sprague is standing up against the social pressures of Spotify Wrapped and proudly declaring that "my Spotify listening habits ar...
12/1/2022 by Fred Nelson
Trump Downplays Dinner With Fuentes and Kanye: “We Didn’t Even Get To Have Dessert”
11/15/2022 by Brandon Puff
Gallagher’s Funeral Comes To A Tearful End As Mourners Watch His Head Get Crushed By Mallet
10/31/2022 by Jimmy Pitts
Halloween Costume? Don’t Need One, I’m Already Dressed as the Devil’s Advocate
Good luck rummaging through the dregs of that old Super K-Mart turned Spirit Halloween mega-store. While you’re busy sifting through sultry swashbuck...
10/17/2022 by Elyza Halpern
A Recap Of Ian's Week of Devastation in Florida. No, Not The Hurricane, Just My Drunk Cousin Who Lives In Tampa
10/11/2022 by Brandon Puff
Why I Left Behind The Life Of Hedge Fund Management To Pursue My True Passion Of Bigfoot Hunting
Life is a strange thing, you never know where it will take you. One moment you’re crunching numbers for the big wigs on Wallstreet and then the next ...
10/10/2022 by Caleb Townsend
If Bigfoot Isn’t Real Then Why Did We Write So Many Articles About Him Last Week?
So, you think Bigfoot is fake, huh? Wanna bet? Because I have it on good authority that it's real. For example, if Bigfoot is fake, then explai...
10/7/2022 by Caleb Townsend
We Asked A Man On Meth If He Believes In Bigfoot And He Stole My Wallet
As a journalist, I am bound to a few simple rules: always get the interview and always find the truth. Well, today it seems the truth found me, becau...
10/6/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Bigfoot Or Sasquatch? My Wife Doesn’t Care, She Just Wants Me To Pick Up Our Son From Soccer
Bigfoot or Sasquatch? It's an age-old question, one my wife didn't seem to care about. "Look, just pick up Brett from soccer practice to...
10/5/2022 by Brandon Puff
OPINION: If Bigfoot Hunting Is So ‘Childish’ Then Why Have So Many Children Died Doing It?
Over the years I’ve taken plenty of flak from critics about my passion for hunting Bigfoot. To them, the act of hunting a creature that might not be ...
10/2/2022 by Brandon Puff
4 Times I Thought I Saw Bigfoot But It Was Just A Corpse
1. The Time I Thought Bigfoot Was Taking A Nap But It Was Just A Man Laying On The Ground Dead It was a nice Summer evening in the forest, I had ...
10/2/2022 by Brandon Puff
5 Reasons Why My Lifelong Pursuit Of Bigfoot Isn’t A Waste Of Time And Resources
1. It Keeps Me Grounded Let’s be honest here for a moment, a guy like me is the type of person that needs a passion to pursue. Sure, you could sa...
9/26/2022 by Brandon Puff
Netflix Shuts Down Streaming Service Until You Get Yourself A Hobby
The world looks on in fear and awe as for the first time in its history, Netflix has purposefully shut down its streaming service until you can get ...
9/21/2022 by Fred Nelson
Responsible Friend Only Does Other People's Cocaine
9/20/2022 by Dave Ruff , Caleb Townsend
Opinion: It's Not Cheating. It's Quiet Dumping
I'm doing a new thing I've heard about on TikTok. No, it's not choking myself with cinnamon, or doxxing my nephew. It's called Quiet ...
9/19/2022 by Brandon Puff
Does Torture Work? This Torture Expert We Talked To Really Hopes So
An important question is rising to the surface once again. All over the country, men, women, and children are wondering if torture actually works. Wh...
9/12/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Polyamorous Quintuple Struggles To Decide Where To Eat
A local polyamorous quintuple had reportedly been sitting in the parking lot of a grocery store for 3 hours, struggling to decide where to eat. The...
9/11/2022 by Brandon Puff
Several Months Later Americans Wonder If It Was Really Necessary For Will Smith To Hit His Children So Hard At The Oscars After Party?
We’ve all had time to heal from the events that we witnessed at the most recent Oscars award show, and now that we have it’s time to ask if Will Smit...
9/7/2022 by Caleb Townsend
5 Andrew Tate Quotes Guaranteed To Get You Out Of Jury Duty
So, you've got Jury Duty, huh? I've had Jury Duty a few times in my day. Luckily, I've always known how to get out of it. There are speci...
9/5/2022 by Brandon Puff
San Francisco To Begin New Program Aimed At Hiding All The Homeless Behind Really Big Bushes
Unprecedented problems require unprecedented solutions and the local government of San Francisco is taking the bold step of installing giant bushes t...
8/27/2022 by Fred Nelson
Trojan To Release New Family-Sized Box of Condoms
8/23/2022 by Caleb Townsend
HBO Max Revels 5-Year-Plan To Completely Erase Their Entire Library
HBO Max has announced a five-year plan to completely erase their entire library forever. The news comes in the wake of a new merger, under the umbrel...
8/22/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Universal Invests In Mama Mia Cinematic Universe, To Produce 19 Musicals Only Featuring ABBA Songs
8/18/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Local Movie Theater Promises Amazing Industry Connections Selling Popcorn
A local movie theater in Fairfield, Conneticut is offering teenagers job opportunities with connections to the film industry, according to an ad from...
8/3/2022 by Brandon Puff
Time For Honesty: There’s A Kid Leaning On The Railing At The Zoo And I Hope He Falls In
I've been silent long enough, it's time for me to open my heart and admit that I want the child leaning on the railing at the zoo to fall in....
8/2/2022 by Ken Taro Ward
Hypocritical Librarian Judges Music by Album Cover
MINNEAPOLIS – A woman working at a library was caught breaking one of the golden rules of artistry she had been preaching for decades: never judge a ...
7/29/2022 by Brandon Puff
Leaked CIA Documents Reveal Former Director For The Agency Used To Steal Lunches From The Break Room
Newly leaked CIA documents reveal that former Director Helms was behind a string of missing lunches between 1966 and 1973. Although it is unclear whe...
7/28/2022 by Brandon Puff
Watch Out Atheists - A Big Fat Fossilized Turd Was Just Found In Jerusalem And The Science Says It Belongs To Jesus
Move over you big-brain atheists, science just found a big turd in Jerusalem and it belongs to Jesus. Feel smart still? Feel like you’ve got all the ...
7/27/2022 by Brandon Puff
Whoops: America Sent China Nearly 30 Billion In Military Aid And Now We Need To Ask For It Back
America finds itself in an awkward position after State officials accidentally sent China nearly 30 billion dollars worth of military aid. The embarr...
7/16/2022 by Fred Nelson
Feel Old Yet? Scientists Lower The Predicted Life Expectancy To 58
7/15/2022 by Fred Nelson
Boss Of The Year? This Manager Threw A Farewell Pizza Party For All The Employees He Laid Off
BOISE, IA- Regional Sales Manager, Tom Leonard, went above and beyond his job description to make his company's work environment extra special fo...
7/14/2022 by Brandon Puff
We Programmed This AI To Develop A Cure For Cancer But It Wrote Another Season Of Seinfeld Instead
Well, we kind of messed up here. Our team is made up of some pretty intelligent people - but we really dropped the ball when we created this AI. It w...
7/9/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Self Proclaimed ‘Jack Of All Trades’ Is Still Working At The Grocery Store
7/4/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Dad Asserts His Dominance By Bringing His Own Grill To The Barbecue
Controversy struck a local barbeque this Fourth of July as James Westover decided he couldn't stand by as the host grilled his own food. Fancying...
6/10/2022 by Brandon Puff
Man Pulled Over For Traffic Stop Unaware He Is About To Commit Suicide By Cop
An unidentified man from Georgia was pulled over earlier today and has no idea that he will soon commit suicide by cop. What started off as a routine...
6/3/2022 by Brandon Puff
Report: Genocidal Warlord Can’t Continue His Onslaught Without Having Morning Coffee
Based on recently gathered information, it has been confirmed that infamous warlord Borya Nikitin has stopped his genocidal campaign until someone ca...
5/31/2022 by Brandon Puff
What's Next For Kanye? Friends Close To Him Say An Album Dedicated To Leonard Nimoy For Some Reason
Despite recent turmoil within the rapper’s life, friends close to him say that he will begin working on a new album dedicated to the late Star Trek a...
5/30/2022 by Caleb Townsend , Fred Nelson
Man Celebrates Memorial Day By Getting So Drunk He Can't Remember The Night Before
5/24/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Infant Shortage Strikes Just As Baby Formula Shortage Resolves Itself
As the national shortage of baby formula shortage begins to resolve itself, the FDA is now warning of a new problem - an impending infant shortage. ...
5/23/2022 by Brandon Puff
Elon Musk Set To Become First Sex Offender On Mars
Famed entrepreneur and businessman, Elon Musk, is set to continue his legacy of doing the impossible by becoming the first sex offender on Mars. This...
5/21/2022 by Caleb Townsend
Elon Musk Cleared Of Sexual Misconduct Allegations After Presenting A Written Statement With Laugh Emojis
5/18/2022 by Brandon Puff
Ancient Evil Awakens, Hits Snooze Button
An ancient evil long slumbering in the depths of Earth finally awoke yesterday, only to immediately hit the snooze button on its alarm so it could sl...
5/11/2022 by Brandon Puff
New Jersey Set To Become First State To Legalize Quoting The Sopranos In Public
A new law expected to pass in New Jersey seeks to legalize the public act of quoting The Sopranos while within public spaces. While New Jersey reside...
5/7/2022 by Fred Nelson
SEX! Now That I've Got Your Attention, Get Your Tickets To Live Sex Shows In Your Area!
5/6/2022 by Fred Nelson
Man Regrets Eating Five Jars Of Mayonnaise For 'Cinco De Mayo'
5/5/2022 by Brandon Puff
Real-Life Good Will Hunting? This University Janitor Gets Into Bar Fights Almost Every Night
A Boston-based janitor is making headlines for his uncanny similarities to the fictional character, Will Hunting, specifically the character’s tenden...
5/3/2022 by Brian Beuche
BREAKING: Federal Judge Orders Trump Do Some Nonsense Yada Yada January 6 Whatever
A Federal Judge on Sunday ordered former President, Donald Trump, to do some new thing about the January 6 investigation or something. This comes on ...
5/2/2022 by Caleb Townsend
EXCLUSIVE: Guy Who Skimmed One Article Reveals “Everything He Knows” About The Depp Trials
Major revelations in the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial come in the form of testimony from one significant individual who’s cracked the case by skimmi...
4/30/2022 by Fred Nelson
BREAKING: My Tailbone
4/29/2022 by Brandon Puff
So You Wish To Own This Honda Accord Two Thousand And Three? Then Your Firstborn Child You Must Promise To Me (Guest Article By Used Car Salesman Witch)
Welcome weary internet traveler, thou hast been browsing many a web page in search of opulent transportation have thou not? Well, I have for you q...
4/19/2022 by Brandon Puff
Friendly Man Goes Door To Door To Assure Neighbors He Is Not A Sex Offender
A friendly California man has started going door to door to introduce himself and reassure his neighbors that he is not a registered sex offender. ...
4/15/2022 by Brandon Puff
Report: Biden Said Something About Starting Nuclear Armageddon, We Weren’t Really Paying Attention
Earlier today, at one of those really boring press conferences, President Biden spoke at great length about something involving nuclear armageddon. ...
4/8/2022 by Brandon Puff
LAPD’s New Training Video Just VHS Copy Of Lethal Weapon 2
An internal investigation into the new training practices of the Los Angeles Police Department has revealed their instructional video is nothing but ...
3/28/2022 by Brandon Puff
How Handguns Have Changed The Way People Are Playing Chess
Chess: a game of the mind and of willpower. Two intellects are pitted against one another in a battle of strategy that takes place of a checkered fie...
3/19/2022 by Fred Nelson
Inflatable Plastic Rat Manufacturers Union On Strike
2/24/2022 by Brandon Puff
Parents Terrified To Learn Daniel Day-Lewis Has Been Cast As A Pedophile In Upcoming Film
Parents across the country are terrified to learn that the notorious method actor Daniel Day-Lewis has been cast to play a pedophile in an upcoming f...
2/16/2022 by Erwin Feinberg
BREAKING: Man Refuses to Put Down Half-Eaten Sandwich For Family Photo
Fellas, let me ask you a question; you ever eat a fucking incredible sandwich? No seriously, like, have you ever gotten a sandwich that was so good t...
2/15/2022 by Brandon Puff
Queen Elizabeth Cuts Prince Andrew Off From Royal Adrenochrome Supply As Punishment For Recent Embarrassments
Reports are coming in that Queen Elizabeth has cut Prince Andrew off from the Royal adrenochrome supply to punish him for his recent embarrassments. ...
2/7/2022 by Brandon Puff
Jesus Returns To Earth To Retrieve Phone Charger He Left Behind
The world holds its breath following what might be the single most significant event in human history. Yesterday morning, above the streets of Los An...
2/2/2022 by Brandon Puff
Extra Extra! Read All About It! Digital Media Replaces The Need For Paper Boys!
Hey there folks! We have a story that will rock your socks and boil your teapot! The most recent reports from the Department Of Labor show that my on...
1/17/2022 by Brandon Puff
Webb Telescope Predicted To Capture Incredible High Definition Photos Of Saturn’s Cleavage
With the launch of NASA’s Webb telescope comes news of some exciting data we will be receiving from the advanced technology we have now successfully ...
1/15/2022 by Fred Nelson
ManFacts Salutes A Fallen Hero
1/8/2022 by Brandon Puff
Pope Says Choosing Family Over The New Dyson Twelve Speed Blender Now Available For Only 49.99 Is Selfish And Irresponsible
In a statement that has caused controversy, Pope Francis announced his concerns over a new trend of choosing to start a family rather than buy incred...
1/4/2022 by Fred Nelson
QUESTION: Can Me And My 11 Friends Have A Bump Of Coke?
12/3/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
To Understand Hanukkah, Man Watches Entire Adam Sandler Filmography
Fellas, it’s that time of the year again: Jewish Christmas. Now I know that a lot of us guys who didn’t grow up with a Jewish friend or actively had ...
11/19/2021 by Brandon Puff
PR Disaster Averted: This Company Put Googly Eyes On Their Robot Gun Dog
We’re living in an age of technological wonder, with power at our fingertips our ancestors would have never imagined. Eight slotted toasters, strawbe...
11/18/2021 by Editorial Staff
Taylor Swift Releases Album About Future Break Up With Pete Davidson
Taylor Swift is reportedly working on a new album, chronicling her future breakup with Pete Davidson. “I know we haven’t dated yet, but we were in ...
10/28/2021 by Shane O'Connor
Ubisoft Announces New Assassin’s Creed Protagonist Will Be a Cop
MONTREAL, CANADA – Video game studio Ubisoft has announced its latest entry in the Assassin’s Creed series, “Assassin’s Creed: Law and Order”. Player...
10/27/2021 by Brandon Puff
Ten Dangerous Items To Be On The Lookout For In Your Children’s Halloween Candy This Year
Left Sided Twix Ever since Twix revealed their left or right Twix campaign, people have been eating up their marketing scheme while keeping themse...
10/25/2021 by Fred Nelson
Stereotype True? This Female Duck Can’t Drive for Shit
Many people might call you a sexist for saying that women can’t drive. Well, sometimes science simply doesn’t follow the guidelines of “woke” America...
9/22/2021 by Lizette Roman-Johnston
“Music Is My Therapy,” Says Man Who Only Listens to Crazy Frog
Am I the only one sick of all these online counseling ads on Facebook? I’m scrolling through my shit, laughing my ass off at Grand Theft Auto memes...
9/14/2021 by Shane O'Connor
Account Security Question an Unyielding Reminder of Dead Dog
WEST CHESTER, PA – “Dammit, not again,” Jeremy Wood exclaimed as his bank’s website prompted him with a security question to verify his identity. Sec...
8/24/2021 by Ken Taro Ward
Dinner at New Jay-Z Restaurant Includes Appetizer and Three Side Hustles
NEW YORK – Jay-Z’s new restaurant, HOVA, offers something different with dinner than other restaurants: side projects. “HOVA stands for Hustlers, O...
8/21/2021 by Fred Nelson
Pornhub to Ban All Sexually Explicit Content from Their Website
8/18/2021 by Ken Taro Ward
Bill Gates Also Unable to Move Image in Microsoft Word Without Destroying Document
SEATTLE – When Bill Gates tried to move an image one pixel over in Microsoft Word, he wrecked the entire document, employees inside his house confirm...
7/31/2021 by Erwin Feinberg
New Crisis: We Are Running Out of Golf Courses in The Desert
Fellow patriots, we are at a crossroads I never thought possible in our lifetime. As the American West gets hotter and drier every single year, we ar...
7/23/2021 by Editorial Staff
HILARIOUS: Foreign Man Has Foreign Accent
Alright guys, you’re never gonna believe this shit. I swear to god, dude; this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched EVERY Jeff Dunh...
7/16/2021 by Brandon Puff
Sure, The Wildfires Might Seem Bad, But They’re Actually Really Cool Looking
I just think wildfires are cool. To some that might sound insensitive, but those people are just overly emotional and sensitive. I’m not a coward and...
7/13/2021 by Brian Beuche
‘The Neighborhood is Too Soft,’ Says Man Who Complained About Crime Rates Three Years Ago
Area Man Richard Greco believes his local neighborhood has become too soft. This comes just several years after Greco outwardly complained that the n...
6/28/2021 by Liz Wiest
Grimes Finally Breaks Silence on Relationship With Elon Musk: “Beep Boop Bzzzzzgh”
Couple goals! Following the lead of her partner Elon Musk, who hosted SNL in May, musician and total goth #girlboss Grimes agreed to sit down with us...
6/9/2021 by Janie Danger
Eddie Murphy to Host Comedians in Cars Picking Up Transgender Prostitutes
Your summer guide to hot Pride month television just got even hotter! Legendary comedian Eddie Murphy, who once said “I’m afraid of gay people. Petri...
5/31/2021 by Brian Beuche
Die-Hard Hockey Fan Actually Plays Hockey for the First Time
Applebee’s waiter and self-proclaimed hockey fanatic Calvin Bloch finally, actually, played a game of ice hockey for the first time Thursday night at...
5/30/2021 by Ron Reynolds
5 Things Woman Under 5’5 Never Get Tired of Hearing
So your liberal friends are all vaccinated and the bars are beginning to welcome customers in again. It’s been a while since you’ve practiced your pi...
