Local Movie Theater Promises Amazing Industry Connections Selling Popcorn

A local movie theater in Fairfield, Conneticut is offering teenagers job opportunities with connections to the film industry, according to an ad from The Patterson Theater. "Get your start in the film industry," the ad reads, "with amazing opportunities to scrape gum off seats, sell popcorn to screaming kids, and try to prevent that one weird 14-year-old from sneaking into a revival showing of My Dinner With Andre."

The news comes as a delight to local residents, who seek to get their foot in the door. "It's great working in the film business," says Rex, an 18-year-old film major. "Quentin Tarantino used to work in a video store, so it's great to have a similar opportunity to kick start my career. I have this great idea for a movie where like, it goes backward scene by scene, but each scene also plays backward. It's called "Time." I'm really excited to shop it around the theater."

Many other famous filmmakers reportedly got their start in the movie theater industry, with Martin Scorcese famously writing Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore while cleaning up vomit in a porn theater and Ari Aster getting his start picking up lost retainers and selling Sour Patch Kids for $14 a box.

"I'm just glad that we have the opportunity to discover hidden talents," says filmmaker Steven Speilberg. "I cringe to think what my life would look like if I never got the chance to try and convince a mother to not bring her 6-year-old to The Excorcist. The emotional damage I incurred while the mom was yelling at me actually inspired me to create Schindler's List."

Other local job opportunities include a fast track to Nascar through Bob's King Mechanic and Marine Biology opportunities at the local Long John Silver's