“Music Is My Therapy,” Says Man Who Only Listens to Crazy Frog

Am I the only one sick of all these online counseling ads on Facebook? I’m scrolling through my shit, laughing my ass off at Grand Theft Auto memes and leaving angry reactions on my ex’s bikini pics, and all of a sudden some clean-looking broad is smiling at me, telling me, “It’s okay to need help.” Please.

I don’t have a problem with people getting a shrink. If you really think you’re too weak to handle your baggage, then no judgment. It’s just not my style. Sure, I get a little bummed every now and then, like when I think about my mom shooting my dad square in the head at my eleventh birthday party. Not to sound like some PMSing cheerleader, but I did not enjoy seeing my father’s brains spill onto Fudgy the Whale that day. That’s no one else’s business, though, which is why, instead of blubbering to a stranger about my learned fear of animal-shaped foods, all I need to do is open Spotify. You could say that music is my therapy. 

My dad said the same thing to me growing up. His therapy was Elvis crooning through my granddad’s old record player, and even though Elvis couldn’t stop Mom’s bullet, I know his velvety voice soothed my old man at the end of each day. That’s how I feel when I listen to Crazy Frog.

My advice to anyone going through a hard time would be to keep it to yourself. Find an artist whose lyrics speak to you, and only listen to that artist. When I first heard the lyrics “Dum dum dumda dum dum dum, this is the Crazy Frog,” I felt at peace for the first time in my goddamned life. All I listen to is my “Best of Crazy Frog” playlist (which is every Crazy Frog song except for “Crazy Sounds – Acapella”). I’ve never been the same since that goddamn frog helped me realize that, hey, we’re all a little crazy, and that’s okay. 

If this speaks to anyone out there, I’m actually looking for bandmates for my Crazy Frog cover band The Bing Bong Boys. It’s just me and my keyboard for now, and the keyboard has all the settings I need for all of Crazy Frog’s discography, but I thought it might be fun to make some friends. It gets lonely in my studio apartment above the abandoned pawn shop. I mean, I have my girlfriend, but Darla lives in Ottawa and we only chat on Discord. She’s also kind of a bitch.