So You Wish To Own This Honda Accord Two Thousand And Three? Then Your Firstborn Child You Must Promise To Me (Guest Article By Used Car Salesman Witch)

Welcome weary internet traveler, thou hast been browsing many a web page in search of opulent transportation have thou not? 

 Well, I have for you quite the ride, a four-door sedan with legroom inside.

Used it is true, but fresh as they come, to pass on this offer would be rather dumb. 

Let me tell you the tale, of what this car offers, and if you desire, you can give a son or a daughter. Four-wheel drive, it helps you go fast, makes troublesome traction a thing of the past. Fuel efficient means more bang for your buck, don’t drive electric-like some lame little cuck. 

Sleek and stylish all in one package, strong enough to pull ten carts of fresh cabbage. 

What more can I say? You could drive like a king. Or be a coward and keep your stinky old thing. 

Now let’s discuss price, it’s only fair, you and your lover make quite the young pair. 

Soon in the future, you two shall be wed and then together venture to the warmth of a bed. Thrusting and lusting and thrusting some more, nine short months later, a child is born. 

Bring me this child, bring it right quick, or else you shall return to your awful stick shift. 

 A strand of your hair, a drop of your blood, the state of New Jersey finds this legally binding.

I’m done with the rhyming stuff for now, that’s my offer kid, take it or leave it. This is a really good car and I’m not just saying that cause I like you. I’ve got ten other people lined up with children at the ready, so if you’re gonna buy this thing it’s gotta be today. I’ve also got a couple of brooms lined up, let me know what you wanna do. Remember, a kid is forever, but at least a car has wheels.