6 Exercises That’ll Make the Ladies Scream, “You’re a Monster! Oh My God, What Have You Become?”

Once you’ve passed the normal benchmarks of bodybuilding (benching 225, deadlifting twice your body weight, and making babies cry), you may feel stagnant, like you haven’t been able to progress at all. Luckily, we here at ManFacts have consulted the experts (a scary-looking man at the gym and a gorilla) to learn the 6 exercises that’ll get you over the hump and make the ladies scream “You’re a monster! Oh my god, what have you become?!?” 

Jazz Curls 

A little-known fact about muscle growth is that the most important element is the element of surprise. To truly take advantage of this, try Jazz Curls. They’re just like regular curls, but—inspired by the style of Jazz—they occur at irregular intervals, surprising your muscles and promoting muscle growth.

Wall Smashers 

If you want an upsettingly large neck, wall smashers are the way to go. To do this exercise, all you need is some drywall and motivation! Just approach the wall and smash your forehead through it! 

Pushdowns 

Pushdowns are vital for chest development. To do them, assume the push-up position and then simply re-orient the gravitational field of your gym, so that instead of pushing your body weight away from the floor, you’re pushing the entire gym away from your body. 

Bench Press 2

A new turn on a classic exercise, the Bench Press 2 involves bench pressing not just your own body weight, but your own body. To do this, recruit a quirky-yet-lovable scientist to either clone you, or kidnap a younger version of you from the past, then bench away! 

Blood Sacrifice 

If you truly want to scare women with your blasphemous physique, it will cost you. This workout involves sacrificing your firstborn son on the eve of the winter solstice to the gods of whey protein. You must chant a secret chant and, when the moon is high, do one really deep squat. Only then will you have achieved a build sufficient enough to elicit a scream of terror from the ladies. But was it worth it?