How Crossing My Legs Eventually Made My Penis Fall Off

Looking at me in the streets, you would have no hint of my secret. You would see a very handsome man, with an incredibly charming smile and the aura of a young temptatious fox. What you cannot see, however, is that my penis has fallen off because I crossed my legs one too many times.

Life can be strange when your penis falls off. You can feel aimless, wandering for answers but only finding questions about your penis. Those confusing years are far behind, and now I’m focused on informing the public of my experience so that they can avoid making the same mistake as me.

What mistake was that? As I said before, my penis fell off when I crossed my legs. It wasn’t immediate, it took many leg crossings before my flesh piston was loosened from its hinges, but it was guaranteed nonetheless. Women can cross their legs all they want with no ill effects. Men, on the other hand, do not have such a luxury. When we cross our legs, we’re actually cutting off blood flow to our penis maximus, an organ that regulates our boners and balls. When we cut off this blood flow, we send a signal to our brains that we no longer need a penis. It takes quite some time for our brain to be convinced, but once it is, your body will fully reject your penis and it will fall off.

When I first learned this from Doctor John Penis, my reaction was to scream and cry and rage. Rage because I had never been told of this, not in all my years of being a leg folding man without a care in the world. All it would have taken to prevent my tragic tale would have been one onlooker telling me to stop spreading my legs. I blamed the world until I realized the world did not know any better. 

Ask yourself, how many times have you folded your legs? How many more times can you fold them before your penis falls off? Every person has a different falling-off ratio, but once it has fallen to the ground there is no going back.

So now I say to you, to all men, to all those folding their legs out of comfort without knowing the nightmare that awaits them. Stop, stop now while you still have a penis. Keep your penis and keep your legs separated so your balls can get the oxygen they so badly need.