How to Get Your Sleep Paralysis Demon to Sleep With You

Sleep paralysis is the inability to move or speak when either falling asleep or waking up. It is often accompanied by a formless, ominous presence, which many people have described as a demonic force. This phenomenon is widely considered to be a frightening, even traumatizing experience by most.

But did you know if you have a certain set of alpha male charms, it can actually be quite erotic? Here are five ways to sweet talk that shapeless omniscient beast into giving you the best sleepy time suckarooni of your life.

Remain Calm

Demons, particularly succubus, prey on fear. If you can show the beast you’re not afraid, she’ll admire that. Some women just want to be seen and heard. Don’t treat her like all the other guys she feasts on the souls of, show her you really care.

Listen and Learn

You can practice this while you’re awake as well. Find some dusty books in your attic, perhaps a black one with pentacles on it that is bound with a scarlet book ribbon and exudes a beguiling yellow glow when touched. Skim through it, or at the very least try to download it on audible. Resources like this can be good to get the backstory on your nocturnal visitor.

Sacrifice Your Pet

Yes, I know, every guy can grow attached to their four-legged friend but demons and succubus alike really appreciate it when you offer their souls up to Baphomet as a sacrificial rite. Spread a little dog blood across the threshold of your bedroom door and next time you go to sleep, you might get a nice visit from a sleepy time bedroom whore.

Hygiene

Now, this is an obvious one but no girl wants to crawl in bed with a guy that smells like a Philly Connection grease trap. Make sure you get a good scrub in so you can get that succubus to suck you till you bust.

Relinquish Your Mortal Life to Satan

Yea, I know you’re probably thinking your personal quintessence is worth something to you, but what’s an eternal soul compared to getting in that eternal hole? Don’t be a bitch, make a blood pact with the devil, pop a few Tylenol PM’s (maybe 7-8), and drift on off to the 7th circle of getting pussy, my dude.