Make Your Dick Bigger (and Then Significantly Smaller) in 2 Easy Steps

Want to make your girl scream? Want her addicted to your cock? Who doesn’t? In today’s society, men are made to feel inadequate about their penis size. After all, who can compete with people like Jeff Goldblum and William Dafoe walking around with such massive dongs? Seriously, Dafoe has an insanely large penis. Even soft, it’s like a pendulum.

Anyway, we at ManFacts know you want to make your girl squirt buckets like a porn star, so we’re proud to announce that we’re partnering with Man-Up Dick Pills, the only dick pills that improve stamina and increase the length of your penis by sucking the life force from every other part of your body! 

Neurological functioning, live enzymes, muscle repair, and white blood cell transportation are just a few of the precious energy sources that you’ll ravage like an oil baron to get that Summer Dafoe Dick. 

It’s easy to use in 2 steps! 

Step 1: Sign the Man-Up Waver and Prove You’re a Man who Faces Challenges Head-On

You’re gonna start to entropy pretty quickly. We meant this very literally when we called it a Summer Dafoe Dick. You’re gonna lose the executive motor function of a lot of body parts. But signing a waiver is about more than protecting ourselves legally, it’s a chance for you to take charge of something in your life, to commit yourself fully and wholly. It’s a way to feel alive and prove to yourself that you can have the biggest dick in Denver, no matter the cost. 

Step 2: Take it 3 Times a Day! 

Okay so listen up because this part is important. You need to take it first thing in the morning, but only after you’ve had at least 5 cups of water. This pill is gonna suck your organs dry of any hydration almost immediately, so you need to be one of those guys that carry gallon jugs around everywhere. Never take it on an empty stomach, but also never mix it with red meat (it’ll latch onto that and spoil it during the digestion process). Also do not mix with alcohol, melatonin, or any over-the-counter medications. Be careful to also not overhydrate, or you can also die. 

Burn the metaphorical candle at both ends and have the dick you’ve always dreamed about today!