Move Over Cigarettes! Ivermectin is the Newest, Hottest Prison Currency

If you’ve been to prison or watched the films Get Hard or Let’s Go to Prison, you know that cigarettes are the cornerstone of the in-prison economy. Easy to trade and fun to smoke, those little serotonin boosters can be traded for anything – sex, safety, ramen, more cigarettes, a reduced sentence, and valued privileges like getting to watch This is Us after dinner. 

However, cigarette stocks are about to go down the toilet as Ivermectin gains relevance as the hottest commodity. Prisoners around the world are vying for a new way to beat Covid, and the guards, who statistically are all Joe Rogan fans, are happy to provide. 

“Yeah, it’s great”, says the Warden, who takes a dose every night before bed. “The prisons are less smoky and we don’t have to do any work to set up a vaccine station. All it takes is a quick trip to the seed and feed store. We’ve actually saved a ton of money doing this.” 

Prisoners appreciate the new diversification of currency, as Ivermectin can now be traded for entire cartons of cigarettes. “I don’t really want to take that horse paste, I’d kind of prefer that we have access to legitimate FDA-approved drugs, but I’ve got to say, it’s made the whole experience more dynamic”, states an inmate. 

We at ManFacts have also been supplying our employees with Ivermectin, as we share the prison industry’s vision of cutting corners on costs and non-consensually experimenting on those around us.