My Experience Tripping On Shitake Mushrooms In The Forests Of Colorado

In high school, I was always a bit of a bookworm. Just worming around from book to book, avoiding the girls, keeping away from the cool kids. It was a defense mechanism, meant to shield me from my anxieties. Now, as an adult, I do all kinds of drugs and hang out with all kinds of people and let me tell you, I’m having a wonderful time. Most recently, I went down to Colorado to hang out with my friend Chungus Bungus, the weed barron of the rockies. While down there, we popped some of the biggest shitake mushrooms I had ever laid my bloodshot eyes upon. This is my experience.

It started off pretty normal. Me and Chungus had popped the shiitakes and were listening to our favorite Grateful Dead album. About an hour in, things got twisted. First thing I noticed, my stomach was bubbling with a psychedelic brew. I could feel the juices of the mushroom working their way through my stomach lining, into my bloodstream, up to my brain where I keep all my best ideas. These mushrooms were about to take us on a wild ride, and I was holding on for dear life.

Another hour in, and the rollercoaster started. It was hot out that day, and the mushrooms were hitting pretty hard, so I started sweating like a dewy little flower. I could feel myself unfolding to the essence of the mushroom, it was reading my soul like a book. Every drop of sweat that fell made a splashing sound, like water or some kind of droplet-based liquid. The sun-scorched down upon me for hours, my skin began to turn pink as the toxins in my soul were brought to the surface. I was ascending. 

Hour three was where things became really wild. This was the point where Chungus had already come down from his high (he was the expert after all) and he knew how to walk back from the psychedelic realm the shiitakes had shoveled us into. He tried speaking to me, to guide me, but all his words sounded like the screaming of people at a grocery store shocked by my nudity. None of it made any sense, I saw a series of flashing images. There was a seductive vending machine, and a highschool prom, and a mediocre baby shower, and the police, and then I saw a being made of pure light with sixteen wheels and a loud horn. 

When I awoke, it was the next day and I was arrested because I had apparently committed several crimes. The truth was, the person who committed those crimes wasn’t me, it was the shiitake. I would have felt ashamed of my actions, but the shiitake has a way of stripping away the ego and leaving nothing but the raw self. 

So, if you’re planning on making the same journey as I did, make sure you hold on tight because those shiitakes are an experience you won’t forget.