Opinion: It’s Not a Racist Costume, This Is Just How I Dress

I know what you're going to say: "my culture is not your costume." Well guess what, this isn't a costume, and I'm tired of you people implying otherwise.

Every day, I leave my house prepared for the hot sun (I live in LA), and I'm met with jeers from those who wish to tell me how I can or can't dress. What am I supposed to do, carry around a parasol? Then I'd be accused of appropriating french culture. Plus, I'm not gay. Wear a baseball cap? I'm sorry, do baseball caps offer 360-degree protection?

Well, how about a fedora? Nice try, and then I'll be a misogynist incel. I ask you, nay, challenge you, to show me a hat that offers the same features as this sombrero. Have you thought of one? And before you say bucket hat, that's very popular in black culture, so back off.

Well? That's right, you can't think of one, because the sombrero is a one-of-a-kind design. And I'm sorry, but I'm tired of watching white people get away with making the worst tacos you've ever tasted and pretending to like Bruno Mars but then acting like I'm Rachel Dolezal for not wanting to get a goddamn sunburn.

Well no more. I stand by my sombrero and refute any claims of racism. Oh, and the fake mustache is a fake Italian mustache, so that's not racist either. Oh, and the Maracas are just fun. I like a good percussion instrument, sue me. Oh, the tequila bottle? What, a guy can't enjoy clear liquor?