OPINION: James Bond Should Be a Woman with Big Fat Juicy Titties and an Incredibly Fat Ass

There’s been a lot of talk lately about the future of the James Bond series. Some people think Bond should be portrayed by a woman, while others say that the character has always been a man and should stay that way. I personally believe we should have a female 007 with some big fat milk jugs under her shirt and a thick juicy ass in her tight thin fabric pants.

It’s time for men to sit on the sidelines as they watch a big tittied Jennifer Bond shake her ass as she navigates her way through a laser grid security system. Let’s all support this new era of feminism by letting horny Bond girls get it on with an equally horny Jennifer Bond. I think it’s time to embrace all these new changes so we can finally get to see another classic Bond villain torture our heroine in the finale, by pouring olive oil all over her big bouncy shirt balloons. 

Sadly, there are many cowards out there who are stuck in the past and refuse to let a heroine with a fat marshmallow butt wiggle onto the big screen. They’re sitting in their homes right now writing up a ten page essay on why a woman with some big fat knockers, that swing like the church bells of Notre Dame, could never be 007. Why not? I’m tired of watching old and vaguely handsome British men on the big screen, when there could be a perfectly capable horny slut shaking it while we all watch her do spy stuff occasionally.

So join me, hand in hand and hand on groin, as we rally support for the first ever female James Bond and her juicy milk melons. Let us stand together as we give a battlecry for a spy with a honey glazed ham for an ass and two giant meat mangos that bounce up and down. Together we can go to the movies and have a subtle erection the entire time.