Scary! Report States Covid Is Both a Hoax and a Chinese Bioweapon

Let me start this with a confession: I haven’t had a vaccine since I was six. No tetanus, no flu shot, nothing. I’ve had tetanus twice and suffer from permanent lockjaw, but that is my choice as an American citizen. At least, it used to be. In theory, the Covid vaccine should be no different. The second I heard there was a disease, I knew it was fake. And when everything locked down, I knew they were gonna make a damn vaccine for it, and that I would have to hear about it for years. And when I heard from China, I knew that Covid was made in a lab. 

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Caleb, you just said Covid was fake, how can it be fake and be from China?” Well, genius, first off, have you ever seen IP Man? That movie’s from China, and it’s also fake. Ever play Happy Farm on Facebook? It’s a game from China, where you run a FAKE farm. Just because something is from China doesn’t mean it can’t also be fake. You think Jackie Chan was actually a cop? Or that Kurt Russell has ever been to Chinatown? 

Well, sorry to fracture your little fantasy, but here’s the truth bomb. Covid was manufactured in a lab in China and is also fake. So what are you to do? 

Protect yourself from China

China is out to get you, so you need to throw away anything from China in your house. That means most cleaning products, any of your kid’s toys made of plastic, and, of course, your cell phone. I know, I know, you can’t access Parlor without your cellphone, but luckily, it’s available on Browser. You can still get your daily dose of Jones at the public library. 

Do NOT Wear a Mask 

China may be trying to kill you with the virus, but they’re also trying to kill you with tyranny. Masks actually lower your immune system, so be sure to go about your life in public as you would normally. But be careful and remember that the vaccinated can actually spread their 5G to you, so be sure to cover your face with an apparatus that helps stop the viral spread. 

Spread Around Anti-Vaccine Articles – But Avoid the Ones From China 

This is where it gets confusing. Public health officials are saying China has been releasing Covid misinformation. However, the misinformation is actually true, and the real misinformation is the American articles calling the Chinese articles misinformation. Ironically, China is actually behind the American articles calling the Chinese articles misinformation. I know, it’s confusing. You need to spread the articles that are true, but they can’t be the ones from China or the ones from America that are anti-China, because those are actually also from China. 

Keep on Your Toes and Chill Out

Be aware that China is out to get you – but also, calm down and stop living in fear.