Smoking Weed Makes Me Better at Creative Tasks Like Watching TV and Masturbating

Allow me to state the obvious: it’s 2021 and if you don’t smoke weed, you’re a fascist tool. Everyone knows that marijuana is the solution to all of life’s problems, and it brings literally no consequences. This miracle drug comes in many different forms with varying capabilities. Some strains are fully capable of curing AIDS, while others are basically the pill from Limitless except without all of the scary side effects. This, of course, is a great conversation topic for when you meet a stranger at a party, especially if they don’t smoke weed. Being the visionary that I am, I only smoke the type of pot that stimulates the human brain and makes me better at creative tasks, like watching TV and masturbating.

Sometimes, when I dedicate an entire day to the art of throwin’ on the boob tube and going to town on a half full bottle of lube, I encounter a phenomenon commonly referred to in the television and masturbation communities as “wanker’s block.” This makes it difficult to channel the enormous amount of creative energy required to perform my two passions. What do I do for inspiration? Smoke a fat doob, let the creative juices flow, and then all of the sudden I can do what I was put on god’s green earth to do.

Bob Marley. John Lennon. Bob Dylan. Steve Jobs. Gandhi (maybe?). All of these men were innovators whose influence is solely attributable to the fact that they got high. One day, my name will be mentioned in the history books, right beside them, as the Socretes of watching TV and masturbating.