What Women Want: Guest Article Written by a Man

Hey there fellas! Does your brain hurt when you try to understand the inner workings of the female mind?

Well, have no fear. I’m a man and I know all about what the ladies want, more than any woman ever could.

Let’s go over some of the most common things you might hear from a woman and what they actually mean. Maybe your lady sat you down this week and started crying to you about how you never open yourself up emotionally. Basically, what she’s trying to say is that she wants to see you lash out in anger more often. In fact, the next time she asks you to share your emotions it might be best for you to go on a ten-minute tirade about how much you hate everything. Score one for the guys. Let’s keep going.

Spend enough time with a woman and she’s bound to tell you that she doesn’t feel loved or appreciated anymore. This one right here has the easiest solution of all. Take her to the bedroom for some old-fashioned mediocre sex, and then tell her how great it felt before you leave bed to go watch some television. If you ever see your girl looking especially cute don’t tell her verbally how stunning she is. Otherwise, she might get a confidence boost and think she can leave you for some other guy. 

The last thing to go over, (I hope you’ve been writing all this down, buddy) Your lady might tell you that she wants to spend more time with you, and that she feels neglected. That’s when you go ahead and book a dinner at your favorite restaurant, and take her there for the night of her life. Then you can avoid spending time with her ever again until she has another one of those feminine meltdowns. Nothing gets easier than that.

Well, now I’ve given you just some of the knowledge I’ve gathered in my many, many, many years of trying to find a life partner. As long as you just vaguely pay attention to the word sounds that come out of a woman, then you too can become an expert at understanding them and their laughable needs.